horrorscopes, the divine one will update this every wednesday

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

You'll find yourself in a delightful mess of giggles this week. A rubber chicken may play a significant role. Avoid mismatched socks, purple hats, rogue squirrels, and banana peels.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

A surprise dance-off in your living room will leave you breathless with laughter. Don't question the dancing shoes that appear. Avoid talking parrots, oversized lollipops, tiny top hats, and hiccups.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Expect to be caught in a whirlwind of whimsical misunderstandings, all ending in joyful pranks. A whoopee cushion might feature prominently. Avoid giant marshmallows, invisible ink, neon paint, and oversized glasses.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

A mysterious bubble machine will follow you around, creating delightful chaos. Pop them all with a smile! Avoid glitter bombs, tiny umbrellas, pink flamingos, and flying kites.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

A parade of ducks will decide you are their leader. Quack with authority and enjoy the silly procession. Avoid oversized rubber ducks, rainbow wigs, disco balls, and confetti cannons.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Your meticulous nature will be disrupted by an avalanche of bouncing balls. Embrace the chaos and join the fun. Avoid clown noses, giant shoes, wiggly jellies, and inflatable animals.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

An impromptu puppet show will leave you in stitches. You'll discover a hidden talent for ventriloquism. Avoid tangled strings, googly eyes, sparkly capes, and juggling balls.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

A surprise confetti explosion will mark the start of your week. Embrace the sparkle and dance it out. Avoid sneezing powder, giant bows, kazoo bands, and rubber spiders.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

An enchanted ukulele will follow you around, playing jaunty tunes. Dance like no one's watching. Avoid invisible dogs, mismatched gloves, jumping beans, and wobbly stools.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

You'll accidentally create a new dance craze involving silly hats and exaggerated movements. Embrace your inner goof. Avoid bouncing castles, giant crayons, squeaky toys, and confetti showers.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

An unexpected flash mob will erupt around you. Join in and showcase your best moves. Avoid giant sunglasses, whoopee cushions, bubble wands, and prank calls.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

A parade of playful puppies will decide you are their best friend. Enjoy the puppy cuddles and antics. Avoid squeaky bones, oversized teddy bears, soap bubbles, and feather boas.

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